Back By Popular Demand **OFFISHULL** Weekly Poll: Longpig Pundit

So, after a stag-do-gone-wrong (when do they ever go right? ) you find yourself afloat in a two man dinghy in the middle of the ocean with no food. Drifting past you is a raft filled with terrible football pundits.

You can save only one to use as a longpig feast later BUT you will have to endure at least 24hours in the same boat with them before you can steer yourself to the nearest desert island, club them to death and serve them up with a nice coconut milk sauce.

Who do you pick?

Hmmm, tough one this.

I've gone for Townsend as his overly excitable comments will at least keep me laughing for the first hour.

This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Slumdog's Son™ wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son™ wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Well then I'd top myself and be off the desert island for good. Every cloud eh?

Slumdog's Son wrote:

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Well then I'd top myself and be off the desert island for good. Every cloud eh?

Is that really what you want? Your final moments on this earth spent bleeding out in a desert while Stan Collymores zombie ear worm whispers the most boring commentary of your own death in your ear?

I'd go for Mark Lawrenson purely because I think you are all missing something - you have the satisfaction of killing him yourself rather than assuming he drowns miles away. Is that too sadistic?

Slumdog's Son wrote:

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Well then I'd top myself and be off the desert island for good. Every cloud eh?

That's the sane man's choice.

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Well then I'd top myself and be off the desert island for good. Every cloud eh?

That's the sane man's choice.

That doesn't say much for you and I, Mr Dubya...

Red614 wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:

Arkay Dubya wrote:

Slumdog's Son wrote:This is how I've broken it down:
1) Savage was only saved due to the fact he's Welsh
2) Redknapp survived as he is so scrawny I'd be hungry again pretty quickly
3) Eating Lawrenson would be a bit like eating a furball
4) Hansen would probably taste bitter
5) Townsend isn't that offensive
6) Garth Crooks' eyes scare me
7) I liked Shearer as a player

Therefore I'd be eating Collymore Stroganoff

Are you sure that you wouldn't get a brummy earworm lodged in your head for eternity?

(sorry Red)

Well then I'd top myself and be off the desert island for good. Every cloud eh?

Is that really what you want? Your final moments on this earth spent bleeding out in a desert while Stan Collymores zombie ear worm whispers the most boring commentary of your own death in your ear?

I'd go for Mark Lawrenson purely because I think you are all missing something - you have the satisfaction of killing him yourself rather than assuming he drowns miles away. Is that too sadistic?

That's a very fair point I hadn't considered and also proves why polls like this are intellectually and morally so important.