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- BigREDbird
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:28 am
First topic message reminder :
Well, let's lighten up this world in which we live,
Feel free to post ANY jokes you like!
Well, let's lighten up this world in which we live,
Feel free to post ANY jokes you like!
Last edited by BigREDbird on Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:31 am
I was watching Wimbledon the other day, and I couldn't tell if the ball was out or not.
Serena Williams really needs longer shorts.
Serena Williams really needs longer shorts.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:32 am
Say what you want about the Queen, but reading sections of her "opening of Parliament" monologue in an article just then, words spoken whilst sitting in a gold plated throne, whilst receiving over £38 million pounds in revenue and civil list "benefits" whilst wearing a priceless jewel encrusted crown .. you've got to give her credit for keeping a straight face.
I've seen Roy Walker, a PROFESSIONAL comedian, crack up looking at a picture of a snake ffs.
I've seen Roy Walker, a PROFESSIONAL comedian, crack up looking at a picture of a snake ffs.
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:33 am
Once upon a time there was a little sperm named Egbert who lived inside a famous movie actor. Egbert was a very healthy sperm. He`d do pushups, somersaults, and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doin g a thing.
One day, one of the other sperm asked Egbert why he exercised all day. Egbert says to him, "Look, pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right time comes, I am going to be that one."
A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter; they all had a feeling that this was going to be their one chance in life to produce life. Suddenly, they were released abruptly and, sure enough, Egbert was at the front lines, swimming far ahead of everyone else.
All of a sudden, Egbert stopped, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might, yelling, "Go back! Go back! It`s a blow job!!!!"
One day, one of the other sperm asked Egbert why he exercised all day. Egbert says to him, "Look, pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right time comes, I am going to be that one."
A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter; they all had a feeling that this was going to be their one chance in life to produce life. Suddenly, they were released abruptly and, sure enough, Egbert was at the front lines, swimming far ahead of everyone else.
All of a sudden, Egbert stopped, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might, yelling, "Go back! Go back! It`s a blow job!!!!"
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:33 am
"I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward"
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:36 am
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:38 am
Both my next door neighbours have been arrested as part of the European-wide raids against online paedophiles.
f**k knows where I'm going to get my free wi-fi now.
f**k knows where I'm going to get my free wi-fi now.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:42 am
David Cameron wants all British towns and cities to have a triple barrelled name like Kingston-on-Thames or Stoke-on-Trent.
It'll go down really well in Swansea-on-Benefits.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:42 am
What kind of a ridiculous fucking name is that that Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy have given their son, "Bing"?
My son Google pissed himself laughing when I told him.
My son Google pissed himself laughing when I told him.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:45 am
BBC News: "Man Hurt in Portaloo Explosion".
I'm guessing he is now suffering from turd degree burns.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:46 am
'Boy of four dies in tumble dryer during a game of hide and seek'
Police say his last words were, "I'm getting warmer."
Police say his last words were, "I'm getting warmer."
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:46 am
Im really upset now.
My Girlfriend has sent me a text saying she cant see me anymore.
Its been like this ever since she went to the opticians.
My Girlfriend has sent me a text saying she cant see me anymore.
Its been like this ever since she went to the opticians.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:47 am
What's worse than a bull in a china shop?
A hedgehog in a condom factory.
A hedgehog in a condom factory.
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:47 am
BBC News: Somalis guilty of US ship attack.
Be more specific, how many Ali's was it?
Be more specific, how many Ali's was it?
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 2:49 am
So I got this new Sony TV which cost £1050 and the salesman said they were doing a promotion where for every game England win they will refund me £100. I need to say that salesman could sell water to fish, cos I bought every word thinking it's a great deal.
Turns out my TV cost... £1050
Turns out my TV cost... £1050
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BigREDbird Thu Jul 05, 2012 10:47 pm
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