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- BigREDbird
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:28 am
Well, let's lighten up this world in which we live,
Feel free to post ANY jokes you like!
Feel free to post ANY jokes you like!
Last edited by BigREDbird on Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:28 am
As one's humour can be diverse, this thread will need us to contribute!
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:29 am
my wife came down from having a shower and said with a wink ive just shaved my minge, do you know what that means?
yes i replied the plughole is blocked.
yes i replied the plughole is blocked.
- Colonel Cardiffi
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Colonel Cardiffi Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:30 am
BigREDbird wrote:my wife came down from having a shower and said with a wink ive just shaved my minge, do you know what that means?
yes i replied the plughole is blocked.
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:31 am
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:33 am
My father was locked up in a POW camp for over 10 yrs .. I asked him what it was like ... 'oh terrible' he said, 'it pissed down the first week'
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:36 am
I used to be bullied at school, the same kid every day! he'd call me a fat w@nker and say I'm useless and that no one liked me.....everyday....until one day I'd had enough....I walked up to him and threw the twat out of his wheelchair...
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:38 am
Don't get Easter?
Some bloke gets hammered and nailed on a Friday, then reappears on monday looking abit messed up.
That's a Colonel weekend!
Some bloke gets hammered and nailed on a Friday, then reappears on monday looking abit messed up.
That's a Colonel weekend!
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:40 am
It's hard having a son with OCD.
Whenever he goes to the toilet, he spends ages covering the seat in loo roll.
Then, when he's finally done that, he pulls his pants down and shits on the floor.
Whenever he goes to the toilet, he spends ages covering the seat in loo roll.
Then, when he's finally done that, he pulls his pants down and shits on the floor.
- Colonel CardiffiNational Legend
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Colonel Cardiffi Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:42 am
BigREDbird wrote:Don't get Easter?
Some bloke gets hammered and nailed on a Friday, then reappears on monday looking abit messed up.
That's a Colonel weekend!
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:44 am
what the useless bit of skin that hangs off the minge?
the woman
the woman
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:46 am
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
:laughingabit:
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
:laughingabit:
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:47 am
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:49 am
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
- BigREDbirdTeam Captain
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BigREDbird Tue Jun 26, 2012 7:51 am
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."
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