Odd time for Player Ratings

Marshall 7 – If Peter Schmeical had made that save (you know which one because he only had one to make) on ITV, Clyde the commentator would be squealing “Ooh he made himself big” with so much joy the listening millions were suspecting he'd also made Clyde a little big too. The Big Yin's dive into the flying feet was worthy of Sam Warburton “Och, they'll be celebrating that one in -insert obscure club where David Marshall has family and friends- tonight” Bill Mclaren didn't say because he wasn't there and might in fact be dead. Is he?

McNaughton 7 – Watching Super Kev today was like taking your Grand dad for a fun day out. He'll surprise you by being more sprightly and entertaining than you thought, but in the back of your mind your sad because his days are numbered and you'll move on.

Hudson 9 – I thought he was out for the season? Hudson was back today and straight back into his best form. Outstanding in the tackle-including one daring block in the box- dominant in the air. I think he was upset that Henderson was sent off because he was enjoying the battle. Hudson was the quickest to react to Bellamy's free kick and set up Taylor's assist. One thing. He's returned from injury a bit quicker, noticeably bigger and wearing Ben Turner's head.

Barnett 8 – This game got so easy for him he decided to wander forward and join the great second half miss-a-thon. He pinged some superb passes around today and covered a few dodgy Super-Kev moments.

Taylor 8 – Forest played tight so Taylor wasn't tested much defensively but he mopped up what little did come his way and worked forward all game. He had some chances to release Bellamy but didn't seem to trust himself and then when he finally lobbed one over the top for Mutch it was a perfect ball. He linked well with Bellamy, Kimbo and Mutch because he is a footballer and so are they. We must get him into position to cross the ball more often because he has the best delivery of any City full back I can remember – yes even Rhys Weston.

Smith 6 – Smith in our midfield is like that netball bird Dave Jones was shagging in a five in a bed romp with Mila Kunis, Jessica Alba, Sofia Vergara and Anna Kournakova. She's not awful, just a bit used and not up to the standard of the other four.

Gunns 8 – When I was a kid, I had an obnoxious s**t for a neighbour. During the big snow of 1982 I built a snowman and said neighbour jumped the garden wall and kicked it to bits. At the time, I was a Beano reader and I saw in the Beano a cunning snowman rouse that involved constructing the snowman around a pile of rocks. In the Beano, when the bully tried to kick over the snowman he had a stone surprise and said “Ooof” or “Oooyah”. Inspired, I rebuilt my snowman around some house bricks and waited. There was no “Ooof” or “Oooyah”, but there was an ambulance and lots of lectures about the foolishness of copying the Beano and how busy ambulance men were in bad snow and how the neighbour was lucky not to break his foot. Billy Davies, like my childhood neighbour, is an obnoxious s**t. Today his team set out to boot our midfield off the pitch. Except for Gunns. Billy, unlike my neighbour, recognises an iceman made of rock when he sees one.

Kimbo 9 – So what doesn't this guy do? Forest booted him about and he came back for more, even tangling with the nightclub bouncer they brought on five minutes after he'd stamped on Kim's ankle for not having a tie on or something. He was robbed of the ball a few times by Forest's impressive #7 but he bounced back to become even more outrageous with his close control and trickery. So he's tough enough both mentally and physically. He can pass. He can run with the ball. He can shoot. He tackles everything. He has stamina. He has pace. He even takes fucking corners. Where oh where has he been?

Mutch 9 - The next time someone who works for you does something well don't send them a complimentary e-mail or say something as anodyne as “well done”. What you must do is run into them from behind, smash them in the thigh, then carry working on as normal. Your colleague will eventually pick himself to his feet at which point you will have the office dogsbody to clatter him with the filing trolley. Congratulations, you have introduced to your workplace the concept of being complimented by the people you work with trying to maim you. I hope Mutch was thinking to himself, 'well this pain shooting through my body like my muscles are filling with white hot molten iron is sure proof that I have been marked out as a player of some worth'. When he wasn't picking himself off the floor he was simply superb. He has an incredible range of passes and he always selects the right one. He wasn't as flashy as Kimbo today, but he was more consistent.

Bellamy 8 – The lengths he'll go just not to score are becoming incredible. There is now no angle, range or time where he can't miss a good chance. Bellamy was Bellamy today. 100%, a natural leader, a constant threat and a set piece legend. We might be taking the guy for granted but we really are lucky to have him playing for us.

HH 7 – Stick it to me H. I moaned my why through the first twenty five minutes, even though he was doing quite well with high balls. Then Bellamy arced a ball to the back post, it was headed in and Helguson was running away looking pleased with himself while the rest of the team acted like the extras in the football scenes in Foresst Gump, running slow so as not as to give the game away the the man in front isn't actually very quick (look at for the umpire who forgets to slow down and keeps perfect pace with Tom Hanks). He wont be with us next season but we wont forget him.

Rudy 8 – Remember the game against Sheffield UTD when Gypes and McCormack were sent off and Quinn taunted the disabled section. Remember Henderson's dive that got Gypes sent off? Ever wanted to see the man who played in the ball that set up that dive booted full in the face by a six foot four bloke? Wasn't it glorious. Two powerful headers from this seasons engima. So good when brought on, so poor when starting games.

Noone 6 – I bet Forest were just chuffed to bits when Smith moseyed off and our quickest, most direct running player came on. Noone found space and caused problems but Forest were already beaten so it was an easy time to come on. He should have scored.

Whitts 6 – Rarely has such a short cameo been so intriguing. When he came on he went straight into Mutch's position and Gunns stayed back as the enforcer. But when play started Whitts couldn't help but drop deep looking for the ball. Judging by his body language, Gunns wasn't amused. Whitts did play further forward and might have taken a shot but played a nice ball out to Taylor instead. He'll find a home in the 3 man middle and put pressure on the three amigos.

Superb. Especially the Gunns story!

Excellent stuff, Kamuza!

"Oooyah!" - I remember this exclamation used so often in comics, but never heard anything even close to it in real life.....how on earth did anyone come up with that?

wonderful read kamuza
i have plenty of bricks in the back garden if any body wants some

Cracking mate!

excellent as always

Excellent Sunday morning read.....

I'm not sure who enjoys these more. Us or you. Love them either way.

That's a brilliant post. Thanks Mr K.

What i saw of Whitts was slightly different. I saw a man that came on desperate to prove he's still worthy of his spot in the team. But unsure as to how to actually do that. I think he had 100% pass accuracy but as an example of how misleading that can he probably only touched the ball a dozen times and each pass was sideways or backwards. One particular moment i recall he made a run on goal and reacted angrily when the ball was given to Gestede and not dropped into the space in front of him.

I still see it as I said it in the match thread. He knew the midfield trio were putting on a master class and he had to do SOMETHING or he'd be benched for the rest of the season. Yet simultaneously, he was too scared to play the killer passes that have made his name and favoured looking safe instead.

I'm with Rhys, it does indeed feel like sacrilege to say it, but I think at least right now we are better off without him.

You should write professionally mate

Almost immediately after he came on, he had the ball in space moving forward towards their area, and we were all expecting one of his trademark shots curling towards the top corner....but instead he visibly hesitated, checked his run, the space was closed down and he played the ball laterally out to the left wing. It seemed a classic sign of lacking confidence.

The Tonker wrote:Almost immediately after he came on, he had the ball in space moving forward towards their area, and we were all expecting one of his trademark shots curling towards the top corner....but instead he visibly hesitated, checked his run, the space was closed down and he played the ball laterally out to the left wing. It seemed a classic sign of lacking confidence.

I said something similar to my old man. 2-3 years ago he'd have smashed it from there and 90% of the time would have scored. Something has happened to that man. A summer off and perhaps we will see the old Whitts.

Brilliant stuff Kam, my favourite thus far, you're setting yourself some pretty high standards!