Dr. Cardiffi's World of CATS

CATS

Dogs are more "Control" friendly!

Colonel Cardiffi wrote:CATS

It worries me that cats may have been put in peril for the sake of amusement. The post will be reported to just about every cat's charity I can think of. Thank god for e-mails. You have 2hrs to double my points tally (all varieties) or I press send on the list that has been newly compiled in my efforts not to miss not even one registered in the UK. I will also do so to American cat charities to ensure you never get a visa to enter the USA.

I literally do not have the MOD power to meet your crazy demands but let it be known that I am already on every cat offenders registry in the UK and have no desire to go to the US.

Colonel Cardiffi wrote:I literally do not have the MOD power to meet your crazy demands but let it be known that I am already on every cat offenders registry in the UK and have no desire to go to the US.

Ah! but you know those that can! It is up to you to influence them in whatever way you can (without using cats). I'm sure there is more than one cat offenders list that will want to know.

Since fox hunting was made illegal hunters made do with some human laying a scent trail. Now hunting humans has never been strictly legal but the big cats couldn't give a s**t in your garden. If you're released gagged and bound into Longleat lion compound your fifteen minutes of fame will come in the form of a coroners report wondering why you should want to try escapology in a lion compound.

NN2Red wrote:Dogs are more "Control" friendly!

I bloody hate cats, bunch of bastards the lot of em. I don't know my next door neighbour very well, but he seems like a nice enough sort of bloke. Anyway his cat keeps shitting all over my garden and I'm starting to get seriously peeved. I know there's not a lot the neighbour can do, short of murdering the furry little twat, but I don't think that suggestion would be conducive to neighbourly good relations.

I've tried lemons, CDs, bottles of water, garlic, chilli, pepper etc and I've heard lion s**t is a myth. I did see some nice little plastic BB guns in a junk shop the other day, my next plan is to shoot the thing between his eyes.

Anyone else have any solutions?

Happy Days wrote:I bloody hate cats, bunch of bastards the lot of em. I don't know my next door neighbour very well, but he seems like a nice enough sort of bloke. Anyway his cat keeps shitting all over my garden and I'm starting to get seriously peeved. I know there's not a lot the neighbour can do, short of murdering the furry little twat, but I don't think that suggestion would be conducive to neighbourly good relations.

I've tried lemons, CDs, bottles of water, garlic, chilli, pepper etc and I've heard lion s**t is a myth. I did see some nice little plastic BB guns in a junk shop the other day, my next plan is to shoot the thing between his eyes.

Anyone else have any solutions?

High powered "Super Soaker" - You get the thrill of the hunt, the cat won't be hurt and it will keep away, especially if you use urine!!

How are things Doctor Colonel lEaDeR Moderator Cardiffi?

The Lad wrote:How are things Doctor Colonel lEaDeR Moderator Cardiffi?

I only got my phd in the field of cats but the rest of that title is absolutely correct.

Send button pressed. Order for horses head to be completed within a week. Do you have any pets in your household Colonel?

Happy Days wrote:I bloody hate cats, bunch of bastards the lot of em. I don't know my next door neighbour very well, but he seems like a nice enough sort of bloke. Anyway his cat keeps shitting all over my garden and I'm starting to get seriously peeved. I know there's not a lot the neighbour can do, short of murdering the furry little twat, but I don't think that suggestion would be conducive to neighbourly good relations.

I've tried lemons, CDs, bottles of water, garlic, chilli, pepper etc and I've heard lion s**t is a myth. I did see some nice little plastic BB guns in a junk shop the other day, my next plan is to shoot the thing between his eyes.

Anyone else have any solutions?

You need a moat. That's a big trench filled with water, which cats hate, not a self-pitying, suicidal, ginger, Geordie psycopath with a gun. Although the armed Geordie option could work if the cat likes a bit of privacy with his crap and is scared off by the media circus, former footballers bearing gifts and brain splatter.

NN2Red wrote:Dogs are more "Control" friendly!

Is the guy with the camera laughing because he now knows he'll never have to waste his evenings looking after grandchildren?