Friday jokes

Whats the difference between Carlos Tevez's neck and Joleon Lescott's forehead?

About 20 minutes on gas mark 6.


After shagging Cheryl cole yesterday, I think there are 3 things you should know... First, her fanny is tight as f**k, a real struggle to get in, secondly she takes it over her face without any complaint (good girl) & thirdly the staff at Madame Tussaud's are miserable fuckers with no sense of humour


Premature ejaculator seeks young attractive woman for fling. . . Must have large breasts, big lips, a tight arse, and. . . aaaaaw, fucksake, never mind

I was visiting my daughter the other day when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper, my 'know it all' daughter sarcastically laughed and said "this is the 21st century, we don't waste money on newspapers, here you can borrow my laptop". Well I can tell you now, that fly didn't know what the f**k hit it !