Morning

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," The ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last orders, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there." "That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. "That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Thank you very much, I'm here all week.

deleted

An electron and a positron go into a bar.
Positron: "You're round."
Electron: "Are you sure?"
Positron: "I'm positive."

Rhys wrote:

Thank you very much, I'm here all week.

Liar, Liar, bum's on fire ......

TDA wrote:

Rhys wrote:

Thank you very much, I'm here all week.

Liar, Liar, bum's on fire ......

Why do squirrels float on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

Rhys wrote:Why do squirrels float on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

Slimfrog's Son wrote:

Rhys wrote:Why do squirrels float on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

Oh, dear, I think Rhys is having medication issues, which I can identify with.

Oh come on! That's a funny gag!

Rhys wrote:Oh come on! That's a funny gag!

I was going to use the drum emoji but thought the red card more appropriate

What do Mr Spock and toilet paper have in common?

They've both wiped Klingons off Uranus.

Cyncoedslumdog wrote:What do Mr Spock and toilet paper have in common?

They've both wiped Klingons off Uranus.

Cyncoedslumdog wrote:What do Mr Spock and toilet paper have in common?

They've both wiped Klingons off Uranus.

Very clever. Yet another inter thread tie in.

TDA wrote:

Cyncoedslumdog wrote:What do Mr Spock and toilet paper have in common?

They've both wiped Klingons off Uranus.

Very clever.  Yet another inter thread tie in.

It’s probably unintentional