The Lard Olympics?

We have already witnessed the Olympics for fit people, and now the Paralympics are under way. My question is should there be an Olympics for fat/unfit people?

I could compete in that...

100 meters in 1min 10 should see me through to the final surely.

Perhaps they could put a bench and a peter's pie stand halfway down?

Wouldn't the 100 meters just be 8 blokes in armchairs and the remote control at the end of the track.

At the firing of the pistol the men start shouting 'Doris, DORIS!' at the top of their voices. The winner would be the first one to ware down their wife enough so that she stops ironing or cooking and brings them the remote?

I'm up for the high-jump if they start off with the bar set at 6 inches

The beached whale volleyball should be interesting

Swimming with a compulsory belly flop start could be a winner!

Instead of archery and shooting - the competitors could throw fag ends in a grate from 25m